With all regards to U2 I chose to borrow this title from one of their great songs.
I often listen to music when I run and this song is on my “cardio” playlist.
The main chorus is “All because of you, I am!”
It is meant in a very positive and loving way and yet I chose to question whether this is a factual statement.
By the way, if you notice, I chose to use the words, “chose to” instead of “have to” since I chose to believe that we don’t “have to” do anything.
We have a choice, in every second, to do, think, believe, behave and live our lives in a way that is in line with our moral and ethical values, and when we don’t, we tend to get ourselves into problems.
This is not all because of you, it is all because of me.
When you attack me, it means I’ve given you something to attack.
When you feel resentment towards me, I’ve given you something to resent.
When you dislike me, I’ve given you something to dislike.
Please understand, I’m not excusing bullying or abuse.
However, I am stating that we have patterns that we follow and we chose to do things that are not always in our own best interests.
I’m sure that you have habits that others consider rude or wrong. And yet you continue to do them even though it upsets others.
Why is that?
What do you gain?
In terms of relationships, one of the reasons that we do things that keep people distant is possibly because we don’t like that person.
This makes sense when you think about political, religious, or cultural differences but that is the obvious leap here.
I’m talking about with people we love and respect.
Or, we think we “have to” love and respect.
This is where “have to” gets us into trouble.
We feel pressured, guilty, used, manipulated, and pushed to like or love someone that we don’t like or love.
Maybe this is because of societal pressure, or family pressure, or self-imposed pressure of what we “have to” do to satisfy these believes.
I question whether that is needed or not.
I question whether that is even healthy.
I believe these expectations, and expectations in general, is what causes so many of the issues we chose to deal with in our lives.
When we chose to stop expecting so much, and enjoy what we are able to enjoy, in the moment, it is freeing and wonderful.
I believe that this comes from the inside.
I believe this comes from inside of me.
And, inside of you.
It is whether we chose to accept that when we respond to an attack, with an attack, that we continue the pattern and allow the person attacking to be proven correct.
If we chose to answer, in a respectful and caring way, without judgment or condemnation, even if we disagree, we have already proven the attacker incorrect about us.
When we disagree, with force and conviction, we prove them right.
So, next time you disagree with someone, try to find some little bit of truth in what they are saying, even just 1%, and maybe reply with, “You are right, I agree with…”
You might be surprised at their reaction since they are probably thinking you will disagree with them. From what I’ve seen, when I agree with someone, they start to relax, calm down, and question their own thinking and figure out what they really believe.
And, maybe in a certain way, it is all because of you, that they will be able to change the way they think about you and themselves.