If You Want Light and You Know it, Stomp Your Feet
Picture yourself in the United States of America.
There are a group of kids singing.
If you are of my age, you grew up singing this song:
“If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you’re happy and you know it,
your face will surely show it,
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.”
I bet you started singing along in your head when you read it.
Well, I’ve rephrased the song since I moved to Beijing,
“If you want light and you know it, stomp your feet.
If you want light and you know it, stomp your feet.
If you want light and you know it,
the noise will surely show it,
If you want light and you know it, stomp your feet.”
What is Aram babbling about now, you may ask yourself, Dear Readers.
A good question.
Hopefully, this is a good answer.
Back to the U.S.
We have a rather ingenious, and originally somewhat absurd, device called “The Clapper.”
This invention is often seen on late night t.v. shows where someone is hawking junk that no one awake at a normal time would even think twice about buying. And yet, at 2 a.m. in the morning, they do think. And they buy. A lot.
That is the salesperson’s job. Sell you an impulse buy. Feed the late night desire to be connected and think you are a part of something or getting a fantastic deal.
I actually know people that have the clapper in their home. I thought it was absurd and the height of laziness that someone chose not to walk over to the wall and flip a light switch until I started working with elderly people as a therapist and social worker. It is amazingly helpful how being able to clap your hands relieves these people of possible falls in the dark or other issues they may have. All they need to do is just clap, have the light turn on, and they are able to see well enough to do what they want to do.
The idea, in and of itself, is quite humanitarian.
One small problem that i’ve noticed.
Imagine this scenario if you will:
You come home from shopping and your arms are loaded down with bags.
You get up to your door and you can’t find your keys.
It is dark and you think,
“Ah, if I wasn’t carrying something, I could clap and the lights would turn on.
But, alas poor Yorick, it is not to be.”
Well, maybe you don’t think that.
In fact, if you start responding to poor Yorick, while misquoting Shakespeare as you look for your keys, you have bigger issues to deal with than an unlit porch light.
I’m not judging.
I’m just saying.
Anyway, and with that you put down your bags, dig through your pockets or purse, and try to find your keys in the dark. This could be problematic at best.
This is where my little ditty again becomes relevant.
The Chinese have figured out a better way to deal with this problem.
No, not by singing the song I made up but by actually doing what it suggests.
Instead of clapping, you just stomp your feet and the light turns on.
I have yet to see anyone clap when they want this to happen.
They only stomp their feet.
Now, this could be a “7-11” type thing again and the Chinese appropriated “The Clapper” and then, because of cultural ideals, started stomping instead of clapping. I have no way of knowing.
Well, I do have a way of knowing, I could ask someone. However, it is about 11 pm right now and I’m just feeling it at this point so I’m just going to continue writing and guessing. Sort of more fun anyway.
Either way, my front porch has a “Stomplight” (which is a term I’m trademarking right now so don’t even try to use it. Actually I doubt any trademark I make in China will hold up in court. Go ahead and use it.).
I have to say, I love my little Stomplight. I moved a bunch of clothes to my new apartment last night and was able to stomp my way around and light up my life. No wait, that is a Carpenter’s song. I was able to light up my porch. Much more useful than a Carpenter’s song anyway.
My Stomplight saved me from digging around in my pockets, fumbling with my keys after I pulled them out, and possibly dropping things on the floor.
So, if you are feeling a little adventurous and want to try a new experience,
stand up,
wherever you are right now,
and sing along with me,
“If you want light and you know it, stomp your feet.
If you want light and you know it, stomp your feet.
If you want light and you know it,
the noise will surely show it,
If you want light and you know it, stomp your feet.”